Ron's Blog

As a child, Highlights magazine would keep me fully distracted for the hours that I spent waiting to see the doctor or dentist. The silly jokes, hidden picture puzzles, and short articles (for short attention spans) kept my mind off an impending vaccination or the always dreaded, “turn your head and cough.” While People magazine with its silly joke of journalism, pictures of hidden celebrities, and short articles (for short attention spans) is often available, there really is no equivalent to Highlights for adults biding their time in a waiting room.

I applaud the doctor’s office staff for trying to provide a variety of reading material but their attempts seem to fall a bit short. For instance, I enjoy seeing the doctor’s ironclad privacy policies proudly displayed on the wall yet I’ve noticed that they don’t seem to apply to the nurse who will most certainly announce my full name to everyone else in the room. I am also fascinated by the signs and symptoms of different medical problems. However, I could do without the graphic illustrations of skin cancer and gum disease. And it is a treat to have a television available in the corner of the room. But I suspect that twenty-four-hour “breaking news” is not a very effective way to reduce a patient’s stress.

So, when I expect to spend any time in a waiting room, I typically bring a book with me to distract me from any anticipated discussions about enlarged prostates or aggravated bunions. If my visit is a routine one, I bring something that requires a bit of concentration. However, if I’m visiting the doctor for a more concerning problem, I bring something that easily captures my attention and doesn’t require the concentration of Hemingway or Faulkner. OK, I don’t read Hemingway or Faulkner but you get my draft (or is it drift?). 

Recently, I was visiting my doctor for a not-so-routine procedure and had some light reading with me as my primary distraction plan. As I sat there trying to focus, I noticed that not only was the waiting room filling up with other people, most of them were being called back before me. As you can see, my distraction plan fell apart just seconds after I arrived.

Now, I am fully aware that due to my OCD tendencies, I usually arrive well in advance of any particular scheduled appointment time (“early” is on time and “on time” is late as my father would say). But on this particular day,  it seemed that an unusually large number of people, who had arrived after me by the way, were being seen before me. I could feel myself getting worked up so I tried to calm myself down by refocusing on my book.

A few minutes later, a young woman walked into the waiting room with her four-year-old daughter who immediately started exhibiting behavior that was not representative of her age. She walked in circles, yelled out indiscernible words, and occasionally stood in front of other people in the waiting room. I suspected that she had some type of developmental disorder.

I don’t know about you but when I’m in an awkward social situation, I worry about how I will respond should I get drawn into it. So I run through various planned responses in my mind. I want to make sure I don’t overreact and that my face will not show how uncomfortable I am. That day at the doctor’s office, I didn’t want the mother of that young girl to think that her child’s behavior made me uncomfortable. So while I pretended to focus on my book, I practiced facial expressions in my head. Once again, you may notice that my book distraction plan was completely ineffective.

And just in case your wondering, yes, I do overthink things. I have a tendency to imagine quite an array of possibilities in any given situation. Once, in New York City, a man was speaking aggressively to several people outside of a restaurant. I noticed his behavior and immediately started wondering what might happen next. What if he pulled out a knife? What if he started breaking things? What if he was just a acting student and this was his class assignment?

While I was imagining all of the possibilities, apparently, I was also inadvertently staring at the man. He became aware of my staring and then turned his attention to me. I panicked and immediately took off running because, as we all know, I’m a lover not a fighter. Ironically, I had not imagined that particular scenario.

Anyway, back to the doctor’s office. The young girl, who by the way never approached me, was still displaying her loud circling behavior when an older man sitting with his back to her said, “Now I know why people want to sit in child-free waiting rooms.”

His wife “shush’d” him and he looked at her in astonishment as if there was nothing wrong with his comment. At this point, I put my book away for good.

I looked toward the older gentleman and then to the mother of the young girl. Neither showed any reaction. I kept expecting that the mother might confront the old guy or that someone else in the waiting room would comment on his remark. There were no visible reactions from anyone. Eventually, one by one, everyone was led back to the exam rooms and the only one left was me…and my book.

As I waited for my name to be called, I couldn’t help thinking that the older man’s comment must be common for the mother of a special needs child. I’m sure people just react without thinking about the impact of their reaction. I felt sorry that she had to go through that.

Interestingly, I did not feel sorry for the older man. I judged him in the same way he had judged the young girl. I saw him as a typical, opinionated, insensitive, old grump. He demonstrated no compassion and seemed to have no interest in taking time to understand the situation. His behavior clearly irritated me.

But then it occurred to me that I had not taken the time to understand his situation. Perhaps he was there to consult with the doctor after receiving a bad test result. Or maybe, this was his last visit because were no more treatments available to him. Or maybe his wife was the patient and he was concerned about her wellbeing. Any of these things could have caused him to be anxious and might explain his insensitive behavior. And then again, maybe he was just a jerk. We will never know.

As I enter the so-called golden years of life when I am supposed to be older and wiser, I would like to be the person who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. I’d like to treat people with compassion rather than assuming the worst about them. We never know what someone else is going through. They may be dealing with something that has upended their normal coping mechanisms. And in those situations, more than ever, they need someone who simply understands. Any of us could be that person. So, when we find ourselves in those situations, we just need to make sure we’re not too distracted.