Ron's Blog

(Photo of Ron Culberson as a child, wanting to be a grown up!)

 

I’m in my second month of being a new grandfather. I don’t know if I’m any good at it but I do know that I’m more comfortable with a baby than I was when I was a new father. In fact, I sometimes imagine a Benjamin-Button-esque life where we could have children when we’re older and wiser but then gradually get younger so as to have more energy and stamina as our kids get older. But alas, we go the other direction and by the time my granddaughter is in her mid twenties, I will theoretically be wiser but will likely be eating pureed meals.

As I ponder my youth and inexperience as a young father, I thought it might be valuable to pass on some wisdom I have gained in my sixty-two years of life. And just to be clear, this is obviously written for adults as my granddaughter is only eight weeks old and not even able to read the instructions on her overly complicated stroller/carseat/entertainment center.

So, here are some things I’ve learned:

Brussels Sprouts are NOT the food of Satan. When my son was young, he wrote a letter to his sister who was at Girl Scout camp. In it, he said, “You are so lucky to be at camp because we had Brussels Sprouts for dinner.” I imagined my daughter running around the camp telling the other scouts about the near-death experience that she had narrowly escaped. And you know what? Today, both my children love Brussels Sprouts. Of course, they air fry them or roast them, rather than boiling them into a soggy mass of pulp like we did. Nonetheless, you just may like them as an adult.

You will eventually get to do anything you want. A few days ago I witnessed a mother and her young child shopping together in the grocery store. Every time they went by a shelf of candy or cookies, the child started grabbing items and putting them in the cart. The mother promptly removed the items and put them back. This went on for the entire duration of their shopping adventure. I remember doing the same thing as a child. My parents never gave in to my impulsive candy requests. Today, however, I can buy a case of candy if I want. And believe me, considering my addiction to the new white Reece’s Cups, it’s not out of the question. However, fulfilling too many of these desires usually leads to a difficult conversation with my primary care physician. So, I don’t give in to every impulse. As a kid, the world seems very restrictive. As an adult, it’s our arteries that seem restrictive. So, while can have whatever we want, whatever we want is generally not whatever we should have. Or something like that.

Your parents DO know better than you…for a while. My father was in World War II and he brought home a samurai sword that he found in the jungles of the Philippines. When I was packing for college, I asked him if I could take it to college with me. I thought it would be so cool to display the sword in my dorm room. Thankfully, for the sake of everyone who may have been on the receiving end of my drunken samurai sword demonstrations, my dad said he did not think it was a good idea. I was crushed and thought he was being overly, well, parental. In hindsight, I now realize that he knew exactly what he was doing. And your parents will know more than you—until they don’t. When we’re young, we think we know everything. When we get older we realize how little we actually knew and how wise our parents were. That is, until they get to their golden, or rusted, years and start giving us misguided advice on politics, technology, and hemorrhoid treatments. At that point, we should just nod and thank them for their service.

What you think is important probably isn’t. I didn’t date a lot in high school. I know, big surprise. But I did go to both of my junior and senior proms. For one of them, I invited a girl whom I had met very briefly at a high school volleyball game. She went to another high school and while we didn’t know each other well, we seemed to click. The prom was a big deal for me precisely because I didn’t go on very many dates. So, I invested a lot of time and money into it. I rented a fetching cocoa-colored tuxedo with a ruffled beige shirt. I bought a wrist corsage that was so big, it looked like a small forrest on my date’s arm. And I planned a nice meal at our local equivalent of Appleby’s. Go big or go home, I imagined. Now, because it was such a big deal, I was just a tad bit nervous when I picked up my date. Engaging in a little chit chat, I casually asked what time she needed to be home. She said, “Eleven thirty.” What?, I thought. The prom started at 10:00 pm. I would have to leave at 10:45 to get her home on time. Clearly, the biggest event in my life was merely a car ride and a fancy meal to my date. I look back on so many similar reactions I had in high school and college realize they weren’t nearly as important as I thought they were. I mean, I used to worry about my hair being too curly. I don’t even have hair now. That’s some developmental Karma at its best. So, just remember that the big things of your youth often become the little things of your future.

Stay on the job even when it’s not fun. I’ll be the first to encourage you to have fun at work. If you’re spending forty or more hours per week at a job, why not make it enjoyable? But sometimes, especially early in our lives, the jobs we get are just not that much fun. However, in those situations, we still need to stick it out—because by doing so, we learn to endure the challenge. One year during college, my summer job fell through two weeks before I was supposed to start. In order to make the money I needed for the next school year, I had to work on a road construction crew where I spent my entire summer shoveling gravel and riding a steam roller. While I enjoyed the people I worked with, the work was awful. However, that summer of “building character” taught me the importance of adapting to a foreign environment, making the best of a tough situation, and staying on the job so that I could make the money I needed for school. Sometimes, we just have to endure the difficult times so that we know we can.

You are always worthwhile. There have been many times in my life when I have felt less than worthwhile. Like when I tripped over the first hurdle during my first track meet. Or when I ran my sister’s car into a tree. And when I didn’t get into graduate school the first seven times. But none of these events defined me. They were just life experiences and I got through them by striving to do better. Sometimes I did better and sometimes I didn’t. But I always believed that my self image was not defined by my successes or failures. I was a decent human being even when I made ordinary human being errors. You are and always will be worthwhile—because you are. Just remember that the challenges in life will make you better while also giving you insights that you would not have gotten if everything was a piece of cake.

So, dear grandchild, life is what it is. Whenever things feel weird, awkward, or painful, seek out the wisdom of those who have been there before you. It always helps to know that you’re not alone, crap happens, and things will get better. That’s from a sixty-two-year old social worker turned motivational speaker turned EMT and firefighter. See?