Ron's Blog

I recently got a coffee cup warmer as a gift. Since I tend to linger with my first few cups of coffee, the warmer keeps my morning elixir hot. However, when I first got it, I wasn’t sure how well it was working. So, as a way to test it, I touched the surface of the warmer to see if it was hot. Regrettably, it was so hot, it melted the ridges of my fingerprints. But, in the name of scientific research, I did verify two things: First, the warmer works. And second, I will only touch it once.

I put ice on my fingers to soothe the pain and while I was waiting for the nerves to stop screaming, I browsed through a number of social media posts that included a lot of articles on setting goals for the year. I certainly think it’s noble to seek new experiences, to challenge our limitations, and to “never stop dreaming” (to quote a motivationally-inclined friend), but as I pondered my cup warmer incident, I realized that it’s equally important to eliminate those activities that we should never pursue. Sometimes, we fail to see that we need to let go of the activities that are holding us back. So, in the spirit of zigging when others zag, I’d like to offer a glimpse at a few tasks that I did once…but will never do again.

A Smelly Problem. I don’t like a smelly house. So I am constantly trying to find the right air freshener to keep our home smelling like an ocean breeze rather than the rug in our den that retains the scent of everything that has ever stepped on it. So, a few months ago, I swapped out the reed-like sticks immersed in diffuser oil for a simpler plug-in variety of air freshener. To discard the diffuser setup, I tossed the sticks into the trash and poured the last teaspoon of oil from the vase-like container down the kitchen drain. Then, I put the container in the dishwasher to clean it. Well, I will only do that once. It turns out that diffuser oil has some sort of adherent quality that causes it to fully embrace every surface it touches. For weeks, our sink drain and our dishwasher were aromatically polluted with this stuff. It was nice that our drain smelled fresh but every load of dishes that came out of the dishwasher smelled like a dewey morning in the forest. After multiple cycles, the smell was still unbelievably strong and worse than that, it made our food and beverages taste like that same dewey morning in the forest—which, by the way, is not conducive to enjoying a cup of coffee or a bowl of cereal. Oh, and here’s an interesting fun fact: Coffee cup warmers tend to bring out the smell of diffuser oil quite effectively. Who knew?

A Spark of An Idea. I’ve never been much of a vehicle mechanic. Oh sure, I can fill a gas tank and top off the oil but I’m not good at diagnosing problems or repairing them. However, I once discovered that my motorcycle had a dead battery. As a member of the Un-Handy Men’s Club, I did what most of our members do. I thought, “How hard can it be to replace the battery on a motorcycle?” So, after reading the manual and fiddling (not the musical kind) with the battery connections, I got the old battery out and began to wedge a new one into the very tight spot where it was housed. I attached one cable to the terminal and then needed to adjust the position of the battery slightly to get the second one to reach. As I used my extra-long screwdriver as a lever, I inadvertently touched the frame of the bike while also touching the battery terminal. There was a bright flash, a loud pop, and I was suddenly thrown backwards onto my…well…my own terminal. Suffice it to say that the entire experience was quite shocking and that I only did it once. From that day forward, I took my motorcycle to professionals—the non-idiots who actually know what they’re doing.

Not The Sharpest Tool in the Shed. Speaking of un-handy, I have been known to attempt homeowner tasks for which I am not adequately trained but that seem to be within some vague scope of ability for a person with my lack of skills. So, when we decided that we were sending too many food scraps through our garbage disposal to the septic tank, I decided to build a compost bin to send our scraps back to Mother Earth. It seemed like a perfectly reasonable construction task, especially since there were so many online videos showing how to build one. The design that caught my eye was a compost bin made of pallets and chicken wire. Since I had several pallets in my garage, I figured it was not only a straightforward plan but the cost would be minimal. I watched the video several times and then began the build. I anchored the base pallet into the ground so that the enclosure would be sturdy and then began attaching the sides. I was shocked at how easy it was. As I attached the final pallet, relishing in my carpentry prowess, I placed one of the side slats tightly against the base slat and then drilled a pilot hole for the screw……right into my thumb. You might wonder why my thumb was positioned directly in the path of the drill. Coincidentally, as I ran around the yard screaming about the hole in my thumb, I wondered the exact same thing. I’m sure it was due to a faulty drill. Nonetheless, a bandage and a tetanus shot later, I finished the job and had a pretty darn good compost bin. Unfortunately, I didn’t anticipate one byproduct of my new endeavor. It turns out that one man’s compost bin is another rat’s smorgasbord. Several large rodents moved into our yard because of the plentiful supply of food scraps and right on their heels was an influx of of snakes who coincidentally saw the rats as a plentiful supply of fresh food. After about a year of using the compost bin, our yard looked like an Appalachian petting zoo. Needless to say, I’ll only do that once (drilling my thumb AND building a compost bin). For the record, we no longer have the compost bin, the rats and the snakes are gone, and my thumb has healed nicely. So, there’s that.

Hot Cook. As I have mentioned many times, I am a hobby cook. I’ve never been formally trained but I love to try new recipes and hone my cooking skills. Many years ago, I attended a conference in Arizona and a few of my colleagues invited me to join them for dinner. We went to a “southwest” style Italian restaurant. I ordered a Tex-Mex Fettuccine Alfredo and it was delicious. The secret was a combination of unique spices and jalapeños in the sauce. When I got home, I raved about the dish to my wife and she suggested that I try to make it. The next week, I scanned cookbooks for similar recipes, bought all the ingredients, and made a decent replica. The only difference was that I had never cooked with jalapeños before and used way too many. The dish was quite spicy to begin with and then, after a couple of days in the refrigerator, the spiciness increased exponentially. As I recall, the plastic storage container even started to melt. Anyway, besides making an error with the amount of jalapeños, I also made an error in the preparation of the jalapeños. And believe me, I will only make that mistake once. You see, I did not wear gloves when I cut up the jalapeños. I had no idea that the jalapeño oil, similar to diffuser oil, will stay on your hands for an extended period of time—no matter how many times you wash your hands. That night, when I went to bed, my eye began to itch. Without considering that there was jalapeño oil still on my hands, I scratched my eye. For hours, it felt like someone had attached my eyeballs to my motorcycle battery. Nothing seemed to help until the oil eventually dissipated. I felt like an idiot. However, I was not alone. A few weeks later, over dinner, I shared that story with another couple. The woman in the other couple said that she and her husband had experienced the exact same thing with jalapeño oil. The only difference was, they hadn’t touched their eyes after they went to bed, they had touched each other. Talk about hot sex! Yikes.

So, as you enter into 2025 with a list of new goals and aspirations, don’t forget to make a complimentary list of the things you should never do again. You’ll probably be glad that you did.