April 2012 Archives - Helping people in mission-driven organizations become more successful.

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What’s Really Important?

April 30, 2012

One of my biggest challenges is trying not to get caught up in what I call Hangnail Experiences – those little annoyances that are not really that important but tend to consume us. I experienced one of those today when I received criticism about something I did. About an hour later, after feeling sorry for myself and questioning my self worth, I got the following note from someone who attended one of my presentations. This is what it looks like to manage a difficult situation with grace and optimism.

On Valentine’s day my first child Grayson died. He was only 7 days old when he got Necrotizing Enterocolitis (NEC). We held him in our arms as he passed away. My whole family was in the room.

Grayson was born 6 weeks early by emergency C-section and was only 2 lbs and 14 ounces, when he was born. I almost died from severe preeclampsia. The first 5 days of his life he was fine. He breathed on his own, he was eating on his own, and he was regulating his own temperature. He was also extremely interactive and was gaining weight. The doctors said he was more advanced than most full term babies.

Unfortunately, on day 6, our little Grayson got NEC and the doctors at Children’s Hospital in Boston were not able to save him.

Now as you can imagine, we could have gone down a very dark road of “why us?” and “what if?” but we decided not to. Instead we decided to be grateful – grateful that we had an amazing son, grateful that we had him in our lives for 7 days, grateful that I had not died, grateful that we knew what caused Grayson’s death, and grateful that we got to hold him when he passed away.

I have a little thing that I say to myself every day, “I do not have the power to change the past but I do have the power to change the future, so change the future I will”.

In the last 11 weeks my husband and I have raised over $6,000 for Children’s Hospital Boston NEC research, we are forming a non-profit organization called “Team Grayson,” we have a “Team Grayson” Facebook page ,and we have purchased a website. Our goal is to raise awareness of NEC and to help fund research.

In Grayson’s short life, he has been able to touch thousands of people all over the world. In Europe there is going to be a fund-raising rally and one of the teams is “Team Grayson.” They will give all the money raised to children’s research in Europe.

As I said, Grayson died on Valentine’s day. Some people would look at that as a horrible thing and that it will ruin future holiday. We are choosing to look at it in another way. It was fitting that Grayson died on Valentine’s day because of all the love he was able to bring into this world in such a short time.

The quote you told us “It’s not about the days in your life but the life in your days” is one I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my life. It perfectly sums up my son Grayson and I want to thank you for that.

- Laurel Kapferer

Marriage Advice Done Well…and Funny!

April 27, 2012

In my new book, Do it Well. Make it Fun., there is a chapter on marriage. I make no claim to be an expert in marriage but after 25 years of being married to the same person, I do have some valuable experience. Essentially, my take on marriage is this: Understand that you’re different and don’t try to change your spouse. Of course there are other things to consider but if you embrace this principle, you’ll be on the right track.

But why listen to me when you can listen to a couple who have been married for 72 years.

I saw this video featured on the Today Show and I think it’s worth a watch. This is a marriage done well…and fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fSudcJnqaQ

Government Spending on Professional Development is Not a Bad Thing

April 25, 2012

The General Services Administration came under fire last week for sponsoring a conference that included a mind reader and a comedian. The cost of the event was $823,000 and was described as “excessive and wasteful” by officials, including President Obama.

I don’t know all the details about this particular event but as someone who is part of the meetings industry, let me tell you that it is shortsighted to view all events like this as evil, excessive, or wasteful.

Training and development is a much needed benefit for all organizations. How else are employees going to improve or become more productive if their employers don’t invest in their skills? Unfortunately, in the non-profit industries that I serve (healthcare, government, and education), professional development is seen as an extra rather than a necessity.

I teach people how to become more successful by combining excellence with fun and humor. My programs are very entertaining but give people the tools to improve their skills. But if I was on the program at the GSA event in Las Vegas, they could be criticized for wasting tax payers money. But is it really a waste if those employees come back refreshed and armed with the skills they need to do a better job? Of course not.

But the general public is so quick to criticize without understanding the long-term benefit of personal and professional development.

Once, I spoke at a conference for the US District Court system. The conference planning committee wanted to hold the conference in an ocean resort location because the price for lodging and food was much cheaper. But, they chose to hold it in another city for fear that the taxpayers would criticize them for spending money in the resort location.

Now, that’s just crazy. They ultimately spent more money to avoid the public scrutiny.

So, let’s get this straight. I don’t want the government spending my money unnecessarily nor do I want them to waste money. But improving the skills of their employees is not wasting money. Giving employees, who by the way don’t get the big bucks or the benefits in the first place, a nice break from the work so that they can perform better is not a waste of money. And supporting the meetings industry and all the jobs that support hotels, airlines, and food vendors is not a waste of money.

Let’s not be so quick to criticize how organizations spend money on employees. Let’s instead be critical of those organizations who do nothing for their people.

As the Sell Tolls

April 23, 2012

I recently attended a weekend conference on sales offered by the National Speakers Association (NSA). As incoming president, I attend all of the events even when the topic is not something to which I am particularly drawn. Sales is not a topic to which I’m particularly drawn.

You may ask, “Ron, as an entrepreneur, why aren’t you interested in sales?”

Thank you for asking.

Well, quite honestly, I love the end of the sale. The part where someone wants to pay me for speaking at their event. I love speaking. And I love getting money for it. I just don’t like the in-between process where we have to talk about it.

Here’s an example of my first sale back in the early 1990′s:

“Ron, we’d like you to speak at our conference.”

“That’s great. I charge $750.”

“We can only pay you a dollar.”

“OK.”

Alright, it wasn’t a dollar but you get my point. As a former hospice social worker, I wasn’t used to selling myself. In fact, as a social worker, I was trained in un-self-promotion. Oh sure, we were taught the value of self disclosure as a way to get in touch with our emotions but that did not involve selling the value of what we did. And in my current business, where I’m selling me, the value gets confusing. As a result, I’m not good at selling value but I can disclose dysfunctional personal issues with anyone. It’s just not so good for sales.

So, I attended the conference in my official role as incoming president of NSA but not expecting that I would use anything I heard.

But wow, was I pleasantly surprised.

Not only were the speakers outstanding, the content was compelling. I realized that I must change my attitude about sales. Not only do I need to embrace the art of selling, I need to embrace the value of me and my services.

Suzanne Bates and Mike Staver, seasoned sales people, were the chairs of the lab. They brilliantly facilitated the event. Alan Weiss, Jill Konrath, Kendra Lee, Connie Dieken, Doug Devitre, and Mark Hunter were the faculty and they shared their expertise by showing us a variety of ways to approach sales. I am grateful to all of them for generously sharing their knowledge with us.

So, what did I learn?

Thank you for asking.

Here are my top five tips. Hopefully, they will help you as well.

Understand my expertise and then attract clients with compelling content focused on that particular expertise through blogs, articles, columns, books, etc.
Seek to understand my clients’ needs before trying to sell them my services.
When introducing myself to new prospects, don’t spew endless amounts of chatter about me and my services, but instead, show them how I can help them.
Use the best of me and my personality to connect with people. Don’t try to be something I’m not.
Build relationships instead of selling. By creating relationships, I can develop more ways to help clients.

Am I now a sales genius? No. In fact my friend and mentor Larry Winget calls me a sales weenie. But I’m learning and before long, I hope to be better, perhaps a sales burger.

Something old and…nothing new!

April 20, 2012

Is getting married at the age of 100 on your bucket list? Probably not. But if you are a hot 100 year-old eligible bachelorette, maybe it is. Dana Jackson tied the knot with fellow health care center resident and mere child 86 year-old Bill Strauss recently. I suspect that after walking down the aisle, both may have needed a nap but you’ve got to give them credit for finding love at this stage of the game. Let’s just hope they didn’t have to get married.

Check out this wonderful video:

Doing Family Well

April 19, 2012

Some of life’s most memorable moments are not always the big events that took months to plan but are often the unexpected treasures that you discover while in the midst of an unplanned adventure.

A couple of weeks ago, on the spur of the moment (even though I don’t really know what a spur has to to with the moment), our family decided to go on a spring break field trip. My son Ryan plays high school lacrosse and since they’re required to attend practices and scrimmages for part of spring break, a big trip is usually out of the question. So, we decided on a road trip to the University of Virginia (UVA) and then to the University of North Carolina (UNC).

My wife, Wendy, and I graduated from UVA. My daughter Caitlin attends UVA now. Ryan will attend UVA in the fall. So, we’re just a tad bit obsessed with the Cavaliers, or Wahoos as they are affectionately known.

The UVA lacrosse team was #1 in the country when we took our trip. They were playing UNC on Easter Eve and we were on a mission to see the game.

To make a long story fit this blog, we had a magical four days of golf, shopping, great meals, and an exciting lacrosse game during which UVA put a whooping on UNC to the tune of 15-10. While UVA has many winning sports programs, their football and basketball teams struggle. So, it’s always nice to put a whooping on anyone.

In my new book, Do it Well. Make it Fun., there is a chapter on parenting. I make no claims to being great parent but I do think there are a few things we can do better as parents. Here are three tips:

First, be interested in your children’s lives. I’m amazed at how many parents dislike their kids’ music or have no idea what television shows they watch. Wendy and I try to stay on top of our kids’ interests as a way of finding common ground for good conversation – even though our kids forbid us to dance to any of their music…or ours.

Second, do mutually enjoyable activities together. We can certainly embarrass our children in public even though they don’t realize the magnitude of embarrassment we’re really capable of. That’s nice bit of leverage, by the way. But they still enjoy doing things with us – in public. We seek their input and then try to engage in activities that everyone enjoys.

Third, see parenting as a partnership. Spouses, partners, and friends (if you’re a single parent) are resources to make the challenges of parenting easier. Decisions, especially punishments for not taking the dog out for the millionth time, as a hypothetical example, are less difficult when made with the input of a partner.

Our trip to UNC was one of those memories I will always treasure because we had a great time together and strengthened the relationships within the family. Well, that and the whooping we put on UNC.

Why is Hospital Food Bad?

April 16, 2012

Ever notice how certain organizations or industries have a reputation for bad services?

DMV – slow lines and bad attitudes

Telemarketing – dinnerous interruptus

Car dealerships – pushy and money-hungry

Paparazzi – obnoxious, invasive, and ruthless

And…

Hospital food – tasteless and unhealthy

Knowing that most of the world sees these poor services in a negative light, you’d think that they would work hard to change their image. Well, in fact, some have. The DMV is much less stressful than 20 years ago. And some car dealers are much less pushy. But unfortunately, hospital food is still pretty bad.

Why is that? Especially when good nutritious food is important for healthfulness. I’m a cook and it’s just not that hard to whip up healthy food that tastes good. Maybe it’s the volume of meals. But then again, high schools, universities, and sports arenas have to cook for large crowds and the food is pretty good. So, it can be done.

Recently, I read an article describing how many hospitals are moving towards healthy and better tasting meals. It’s part of a movement sponsored by the Health Care Without Harm Coalition and it’s called the Healthy Food in Health Care Pledge. I think this is wonderful concept but I’m curious why it hasn’t happened before now.

The philosophy behind Do it Well, Make it Fun focuses on seeking excellence while making the process fun. With hospital food, that simply means this: make the food healthy and good tasting. Unfortunately, just like the hospital food services, many of us fall into bad habits and patterns and we find it hard to break the bonds of tradition or mediocrity. However, if we can see that change is possible without a huge shift in thinking, we can find much more success in the work that we do.

Good hospital food is only two steps away. Cook it well. Make it tasty.

Creative Use of Resources

April 12, 2012

I love to read about people or organizations who come up with creative solutions to problems while taking advantage of existing resources. An article in AARP (yes, I’m over 50) recently reported on a program started by the US Department of Veteran’s Affairs in Little Rock, Arkansas. It’s a caregiving match program through which veterans in need are matched with civilians who would be willing to provide care for them. The civilians are compensated and the veterans have a home in which to receive care.

If you’d like to read the entire article, you can find it here: Another Place Like Home.

The Fear of Failure is Worse Than Failure

April 3, 2012

CNN recently published a wonderful article on failure as described by Pulitzer Prize-winning author Jennifer Egan. You can read it here: The Success of Failure.

What struck me most about the article was that there were two times when Egan faces failure. When she sits down to write and when she edits what’s already written. Most successful writers know that the first draft is not the finished product. In fact, Anne Lamott refers to the first attempt at any writing as a “shitty first draft.” So, you’d think that they would simply write, knowing that it will need to be revised. But therein lies the problem – facing the writing, as if it should be perfect, and facing the editing.

Egan says the key is “struggling a lot.”

I don’t like failing, or struggling for that matter. I think, early in life, I somehow learned that it was wrong to fail. That perhaps only lesser people failed and if I failed, I would somehow be lesser. The impact of this misbelief is that I don’t like to put the hard work into the struggle. I’d prefer to avoid the pain of both the work and the potential for failure.

What’s fascinating is that this fear of failure is more powerful than the failure itself.

Whenever I’ve failed, I either fixed my mistake or simply apologized when fixing it was no longer an option. However, prior to taking on a particular project, I can create a fantasy about the potential failure that is far worse than the failure itself. I’m thinking Jaws when the reality is more like Nemo.

Success and growth come from living through failure and learning from it. If no one every failed, we’d live in a very boring, unimaginative, and stagnant world. We need risk and failure to move forward.

So, whattya say we try to nip the fear of failure in the bud and allow ourselves to step into the abyss (which is way more shallow than we believe) and reap the benefits of the success that come from failure?

I don’t think we can really fail.

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